WOODY'S POINT, CANADA—Two men and a woman are hospitalized while still others have what they say is a memory they will never forget, after a local graduation party dissolved into tribal warfare tonight.

Witnesses claim everything was going well – burgers were on the grill, the keg was tapped, and guests were having a good time – until a member of the party found a conch shell under the porch of the house.

“I don’t know…what happened.” A clearly shaken woman told us. “We were all having a good time and then suddenly Bill walked out in a loin cloth holding a conch shell over his head exclaiming, ‘I have the conch! Only I can speak!’”

For some reason, party-goers obeyed.

“I dunno, maybe it was the booze or somethin’ but when he held up that conch, we all stopped to listen.” Jimmy Jam explained.

“From there is just dissolved into chaos – there were those of us who wanted to play lawn darts and drink more beer; then others who agreed with Bill that we should spend the evening dividing up the food for rationing.”

“After that, more people began to appear in loin clothes, and they started calling poor Kevin, ‘Piggy’ – which I found strange because he’s very skinny.”

Details from the evening become sketchy after this point in the night, there are reports of a bonfire, chanting, and a ping-pong ball impaled onto a spear - these reports are, as yet, unconfirmed.

One thing is for certain, things will be a little tense around the water-cooler come Monday morning.